Mark and JoAnne are the parents of a daughter who recently graduated eighth grade and will be attending high school. The girl is a straight “A” student and though slated to attend public school, her parents felt that she will have better social influences and curriculum at a p rivate school believing that her recent rebellion and acting out sexual behavior with boys was a reflection on her previous school setting. In order for them to ensure she was in the best possible environment, Mark and JoAnne attended the parent and teacher conference at the private school.
The focus of the meeting was to reassure parents that the school had a strong curriculum with the proper emphasis on the three R’s, as well as other academic building blocks. When the parents left the meeting they were ecstatic. When they told their daughter of the pending change in schools, however, her reaction was dramatic. Her defiance increased and the sexual acting out became more frequent and blatant. She was even arrested for shoplifting. After a month of family turmoil they turned to counseling. After a short period of time it was clear that the parents’ focus on academic building blocks and seemingly natural academic path for a straight “A” student was at the expense of recognizing that an equally essential building block to ensure their daughter’s success in life was missing. She had no self-esteem.
The ability to feel self worth is an essential human survival skill. It provides the necessary sense of competence, motivation and ability to deal with those things and people that complicate the art of living life to its highest potential. Without self-esteem the ability to successfully navigate life’s hurdles is greatly diminished. People with low or no self-esteem are more likely to retaliate against life’s stresses because there is a tendency for them to attach their self worth to each and every event they experience; everything is personalized and the necessary rational and strategic solutions to a problem are circumvented.
Lack of self-worth is also an equal opportunity destroyer, impacting the entire spectrum of economic and social classes. Unlike a case of measles, it may not be easily detected. Previously, people with low esteem were more easily recognized by their acute withdrawal or aberrant behavior, all of which may still exist. However, many current sufferers of this condition present a competent and unaffected exterior, while on the inside they live a life of internal turmoil and fear.
Where does self-esteem come from? Some clinicians feel that a child’s personality is pre-disposed, while others feel that it can be instilled and taught the same way any cognitive task can be incorporated. It seems more accurate that there is a healthy combination of both polarized views. Though the etiology of the condition is important, for parents it is more beneficial to understand the signs and symptoms of those who are affected.
Children with low self-esteem may be overly shy, but others may have a tendency to be bullies, or show aggression with younger siblings or peers. Most are also prone to have strong or exaggerated emotional responses to frustration, hold grudges, perseverate on their appearance, or focus on things that they perceive to be unfair, such as a friend, a sibling with more toys, privileges or attention, etc. As they get older, they may deal with their inferiority by feigning sickness to avoid school or social situations and are more likely to engage in high risk behaviors - everything from sexually acting out, eating disorders, shoplifting, smoking, using drugs, or underachieving. Emotionally, they may feel undo stress for children of a similar age and feel pressure from activities that others would consider recreational, or social.
As parents, it is also important to understand that low self-esteem is also an emotional condition with deep roots and not solely a cognitive disorder. There is a tendency for parents to “talk away,” or attempt to rationally explain to their children why they “should” feel good about themselves. However, attempting to convince the child they should feel differently is ineffective, though some reality testing with clinical finesse may be incorporated into family discussions. This approach is more likely to teach the child to better hide their feelings of inadequacies, replace parental communication with mistrust and keep outside appearances flawless. Instead, we can nurture our children’s esteem by providing our children with a loving and nurturing environment and keeping good lines of communication. It is also essential to keep challenging their abilities by teaching them how to navigate life’s hurdles, rather than how to avoid them, all while setting realistic limits and consequences. In extreme cases, professional intervention can be effective in teaching the child and family how to accommodate feelings of low self-esteem.
You may reprint or publish this article freely as long as you include a visible, active link to http://www.creativechildonline.com and the author bio.

David Aronshohn is a doctor of psychology and licensed marriage and family therapist. He maintains a private and corporate consultation practice out of Westlake Village, CA. 818/735-0428. To read more articles by David visit http://www.creativechildonline.com
Disclaimer-The advice in this article is not meant to act as professional advice, or counseling for your particular set of circumstances. It is designed for general knowledge. It is recommended that if you feel you need individual assistance for you or your family, you seek the advice and intervention of a licensed professional that can provide help for your particular set of circumstances.

St. Kitts Calling Cards

“Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.” - Buddha

The kids are back in school. While there is an eerie peace about the house, I will truly enjoy the quiet days ahead. While the kids are off to learn their abc’s and 123’s at school, don’t forget the lessons they learn at home are often the most important.
For many years I was a single parent. Finances were always a difficult challenge. I lost count of how many times my kids expressed the desire to have something that one of their friends had and in fact “everyone but them” had. I eventually realized that the best way to deal with these feelings was to give them the gift of perspective.
Since being happy is mostly a mindset determined by our perspective of what happiness is, the best thing I could do for my kids was to give them the proper perspective to always be happy with what they had, rather than unhappy about what they didn’t have. Teaching them that so many others did not even have the very basics of life’s necessities, as they did, would help them appreciate what many of us take for granted.
Even when I think of it now, I really sounded so corny; my insistence that we should be happy with what we have because so many others did not even have the basic necessities of food, shelter, and love. But, I truly believed it. I was thankful to have what I had and desired nothing more than what I needed to sustain myself and my children with the basic needs. I entered a life of frugality out of necessity, but grew to understand the many benefits of such a life, and more and more began to want nothing more.
Being frugal by choice gives a certain peace of mind, and happiness, that is hard to explain. I guess one of the reasons my lifestyle brings peace to me is because the feelings of inadequacy we sometimes have, because of our wanting more (or wanting what “everyone else” has )are non-existent. I actually feel my life is adequately fulfilled by the simple basic needs. I have eliminated the longing for more.
The feeling that my life is not as good as it should or could be, or as good as “everyone else’s”, is just not there. If I choose to indulge in a luxury item or something I merely want, it is because “I want it”, not because “everyone else has it.” It is amazing how true happiness can come with nothing more than a change in perspective.
When we understand that our purpose in life is to bring something of value to society, rather than owning everything considered valuable to society, happiness is a natural consequence. If I could teach my children the same I would not only do them a great justice but, the rest of the world as well. When you bring something of value to society, you see value in yourself. Seeing value in yourself brings happiness. I feel that raising happy children, who find happiness in bringing something of value to society, is one of the most valuable things a parent can offer the world.
Raising happy and content children in today’s world is just one more difficult challenge for parents. Offering your children a different perspective could prove to be the answer to raising “happy” children. Our society is more and more status driven. Your children’s perspective of their status could play an important role in determining if they can be happy with their lives. Status is measured a great deal by the material owning of things. A measure of one’s status is many times a consequence of what one owns.
Teach your children that looks can be deceiving. Not everyone who acts like they have wealth, actually have wealth. I like to remind my children of our own situation. How we have to struggle to get back to living within our means because of trying to keep up appearances. Many people are spending money they just don’t have in an attempt to keep up with the joneses and “appear” to be wealthy. I remind them that, like ourselves, one day they too will probably have to pay a price for their pretending. That is not to say that there are not families who have no financial worries and actually are blessed with abundance.
It is important, if not essential, to your child’s success in life to teach them to look beyond appearances. Things are not always as they seem. Teaching them little lessons like this will engage them in analyzing all things they encounter in life and getting to the reality and truth of situations they are confronted with.
For example, when confronted with choices your children will be equipped to look to the essence of anything. They will do better in life to see the true advantages, or disadvantages, of all things, when not influenced by mere appearances. Giving them this perspective will give them a great advantage in pursuing their goals in life.
Let me reflect on a personal story that touched me so that I will never forget it. Remember, I constantly reminded my children from a very young age that we had more than many others, and should be thankful for having what we do have, not sorrowed by what we didn’t have.
One energetic day I decided to rearrange the furniture. Now let me interject that we lived in very confined quarters, myself and four small children. Even the doorways were more narrow than that of the average home since our home’s foundation was built around a narrow older mobile home. This rearranging was a very ambitious task to say the least. But, I was determined to incorporate some change into our lives on that day!
So, I began a long day of frustration. Since our home was so small, there were not a great many options for arranging the furniture. Well, the grandest moment of truth came to me on that day. I learned for a fact that my children were in fact listening. That my constant reminders were not in vain. I was trying to move a bed from one room to another. And, having an extremely difficult maneuver through a narrow doorway, I cried out in frustration; “I’m so sick and tired of these doorways. I just want normal size doorways like everyone else.” Well, I didn’t even have time to reflect on my own statement when, my son (who was only 8 years old at the time) said to me, “Remember Mommy, we have to be thankful for what we have, some people don’t even have a place to live.” I was speechless of course, and very near a flood of tears. While I stood astounded at the comment, coming from the mouths of babes, I pushed back the urge to cry at the revelation that my son did understand what I had been trying to teach him. The realization, and consolation, came to me then, that he would always be successful in life no matter what hardships may face him.
The lessons we teach at home could prove to be the most important lessons in life. Happiness is a natural consequence of contentment. Teach the lessons at home that will give your children the perspective to be content and happy!

Man falls from the pursuit of the ideal of plan living and high thinking the moment he wants to multiply his daily wants. Man’s happiness really lies in contentment. - Mohandas Gandhi

Cheryl Johnson is a mother of four helping herself and others become and remain debt free. Publisher of Simple Debt Free Living at http://www.simpledebtfreeliving.com - a self-help plan, ideas, and resources for a simple proven debt elimination strategy, household budget planning, frugal living, and practical home business ideas . Money saving tips for monthly bills, home decorating, gifts, weddings, groceries, clothing and much more save money every day.

Bosnia&Herz. - CELL Calling Cards

We were putting our oldest son to bed on the night of September 11, 2001. He said to us, “This is so unfair. I’m always gonna remember this as the day they flew airplanes into buildings.”
I responded with, “No son, we are always going to remember this as the day you turned seven.”
Fortunately, we had celebrated his birthday party a few days before during the weekend.
As it became clear that the media was going to refer to the terrorist attacks as September 11, our son started lobbying to have his birthday moved to September 10 or September 12.
After a few moments thought, I responded with, “No son, we are not going to let the bad guys steal your birthday.”
I struggled with that decision for a long time. Was it fair to keep his birthday on a day that will now live in infamy? Were we doing the right thing?
An unsolicited call of encouragement
In my weekly column I mentioned that I had told my son that we were not going to let the bad guys steal his birthday. I got a call from an older gentleman who told me the most amazing and curious thing.
His seventh birthday was December 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor Day. He had tried to get his parents to change the date of his birthday just like my son had. And just like we had, his parents would not let him, because they did not want to let the bad guys steal his birthday.
He was calling to tell me that we were doing the right thing.
I wish he would have left his name and number so I could thank him.
I guess writing about it will have to do.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Kazakhstan Calling Cards

“When I was your age…..”
If you don’t believe this one is useless, just watch your
teen’s eyes the next time you say this one. You will see
them glaze over as they go into the “I’ve got to sit through
this again” trance.
They hear absolutely nothing you say after “when I was
your age.”
Step back a moment and consider what you are trying to teach them. In doing family therapy, I will often ask a parent, in front of the teen, “what were you like when you were 16?” The teen is usually listening intently and gets to see a side of the parent they may have never seen before.
ParentTip One - An alternative is to work this information into everyday conversation, without the dreaded “when I was your age.”
ParentTip Two - If you must talk about how things were when you were their age, at least make it humorous or shocking. For example, how we actually had to get up to change the TV channel and cartoons were on only on Saturday mornings.
Here’s what can often happen after reading an article like this one.
As a parent, you’ll catch your self saying “when I was your age” again. That’s natural. Sometimes it takes conscious
attention to change. Simply stop your self, remember what
your are trying to teach, and use one of the suggested
alternatives.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

USA - Alaska Calling Cards

“When will you ever learn?”
From the same family as
“why can’t you ever…..”
and
“how many times have I told you…..”
Do we really, actually, really believe that our kids are going to respond well to some of the dumb things we say? Did we respond well when our parents said these things to us? How would you respond if your boss spoke to you that way?
How to commit an adultism
These are what Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott, authors of “Positive Discipline for Teenagers” call “adultisms.”
Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with adultery.
We commit an adultism when we forget what it’s like to think, act and perceive the world as a child and then expect a child who has never been an adult to think, act and perceive the world like an adult.
Newsflash: Adults and teens see the world and think differently than one another. I’m not trying to be sarcastic here. I’m simply trying to remind us of what we already know - teens are not yet adults.
They won’t unless we teach them.
ParentTip One - An alternative would be to simply ask,
“what were you trying to accomplish by (fill in the blank).”
ParentTip Two - Try the Columbo approach - you know the one “help me out here, I’m a little confused. What were you trying to do?”

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

Spain - Barcelona Calling Cards

“Why can’t you be more like (fill in the blank).”
The infamous comparisons. Why do we do this to our kids?
This one goes under the heading of all the things we will never say to our childen. And then these things come bursting from our mouths.
Sometimes I want to turn around and see if my parents are standing behind me speaking.
This one worked so well when your parents said it to you, why not pass it down?
This one seems so innocent, and yet can be so disabling.
The message sent
The message sent is that you are not good enough as you are, and must measure up to some other standard in order to be loved.
You may not mean to, and will probably shocked and maybe even offended to hear this, but when you say this you are communicating that your love is conditional.
If you want a clear picture of the results that are
possible from comparisons, check out the classic 1980
movie “Ordinary People.”
ParentTip One - An alternative would be to ask your teen what characteristics they might like in the person you are tempted to compare them to.
ParentTip Two - Each child has their own unique gifts. Encourage and support them.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring .

Korea North Calling Cards

“I’m thoroughy disgusted with you.”
Or something similar.
That’s another one I heard growing up and I gotta tell you, it stuck with me for a long time.
It’s perfectly OK to be angry, frustrated, even
disgusted by your child’s behavior. Welcome to parentng a teenager.
What you don’t want to do is to shame your teen.
The crucial distinction to be made here is the difference
between feeling ashamed and feeling shame. While these
two words are only separated by the letter “a”, they are
vastly different in emotional impact.
Ashamed is the appropriate guilt we feel when we have
done something wrong. It allows for change.
Shame is what we feel when we believe we are
something wrong. It doesn’t allow for change.
I once saw a situation that just hurt my heart. I parent had taken a little girl, not more than 7, back to the grocery store because she had stolen something. Taking her back to fix the situation was the right thing to do. The thing that crushed me was that the parent had hung a sign around the little girl’s neck that said “I stole from this store.”
That’s a painful example of shaming a child instead of letting them feel ashamed of what they did.
ParentTip - Sometimes we know the right thing to day, we just can’t find the words. I’ll help you out - it’s
“I don’t like what you did”
vs.
“I don’t like who you are.”

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Marshall Isl. - CELL Calling Cards

“You’re grounded for life!”
I heard that once when I was 13. I’ll spare you the details, or perhaps bring it up in another article because there are some parenting points invovled.
It’s so very easy to frustrated with our kids. I think it is even easier and more frustrating when they are teenagers. One minute you get a glimpse of the young adult they are becoming, and the next second the are acting like the toddler they once were.
At the same time, as a parent you want to avoid saying anything, even in anger, that you cannot back up or follow through on.
When you do, it teaches your teen at least three things that you do not want to teach:
1) You don’t mean what you say.
2) You do not have to be taken seriously.
3) As long as they can endure your temper tantrum and lecture, they can pretty much do whatever they want.
Abnother problem with grounding
In order to have a prisoner, there has to be a jailer, and I doubt that you would want to play that role for the rest of your child’s life.
ParentTip One - You might try this - ask your teen what they think a fair consequence might be. I know this sounds
nuts, but it works.Oftentimes, they come up with something harsher than you ever would have.
ParentTip Two - Make sure the consequence is strong enough to get their attention, swift enough after the offense so your teen can connect cause and effect, and short term enough so the teen can have another chance to do well soon.

Visit SecretsofGreatRelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

Cameroon Calling Cards

It happened today in my office. I kid that had been going at it with her mom over every single issue said the magic words:
“It’s been a pretty good week, I got some things done even though my mom was bugging me to do it.”
One of the clearest signs of a maturing teenager is when they can do somthing even though their parents want them to or even suggested it.
Rebellion gets old
Of course the rebellious stage gets old for parents. But did you know it gets old for the teenager too?
When every issue becomes a battle for independence, even the strongest of heart can wear out after a long period of time.
Not only does making every issue a battle for independence wears you out, it lowers any negotiating power you have. If you fight everything, what’s the point? Gold would not be worth much if we had an abundance of it to go around.
Learning to pick her battles
One the the most important thing this kid is learning is how to pick her battles. She has learned to save the drama for issues that are worth having drama about, and not fight over every little thing.
One more step along the road to maturity, and hopefully a more quiet house and happier family.

Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.

canada calling card

Person-to-person call This type of call is operator-assisted. A phone card will
only be charged for a person-to-person call if the specified caller answers.

calling card

For a parent who has yet to acquire a cell phone, set the timer on the VCR, or is unaware that most people no longer use VCRs, they may wonder how assistive technology could fit into their lives. After all, you may have never even used a computer much less taught a child how to use one. This is sometimes referred to in the media as “the digital divide,” where due to social, economic or educational circumstances, a person may not have access to technology. Any parent might feel guilty at not being able to provide the very best of everything to their child, but for a parent of a child with a disability, the intimidation factor of assistive technology may add to their feelings of helplessness or inadequacy. Here are a few tips that will help you to demystify AT.
Not all assistive technology devices are computer related. There are high tech, low tech and no tech options. As a person who is blind, one might think my home is outfitted with every technological wonder, and it is. Yet, I find that one of the most useful assistive tools I use is a plastic template called a writing guide. It is simply a notebook-paper sized sheet of plastic with straight edges cut out of it, spaced about a quarter inch apart. The writing guide is clipped to a sheet of paper. I can follow along the straight edge and hand-write my personal correspondence - using a pen. Remember those?
Many assistive devices for children are much more like a cool toy than any whizbang high-end computer. They are fun to play with and easy to learn. They speak, they provide various types of stimulation, and they are specifically geared toward particular developmental or mobility needs.
Where does one go to learn about AT options? I suggest beginning with some reading material, specifically a catalog. There are some wonderful companies that provide independent living aids, assistive and augmentative devices and various mobility products, and many offer print catalogs. Try Maxi Aids: 800-522-6294 (www.maxiaids.com); or Enablemart: 888-640-1999 (www.enablemart.com). These are just two; be aware that there are many others. If you are not computer literate, find a friend who is or go to your local library. Many libraries have workstations for the general public, and if a staff member is available, ask for assistance surfing the web. Jot down a few phone numbers, then call and request that you be added to their mailing list.
Another great place to get tons of information and hands-on demonstrations is at an assistive technology conference. I’m not talking about a regular computer convention or consumer electronics show. There are conferences specifically for AT, with row after row of booths, or even entire wings of convention centers devoted to devices just for children. Even if you think yourself pretty tech-savvy, you’ll be astounded at the array of gadgets and gizmos that benefit people of all ages in their day-to-day lives.
There are four major assistive technology conferences each year, and a number of smaller ones. Among the most attended is a conference held in Los Angeles and hosted by California State University, Northridge. Another major event is held in Orlando, Florida. If you begin to suffer from information overload as a result of your conference experience, you will probably be able to find an entertaining alternative.
While conference attendance is open to the public, you should know that registration is not cheap; however, you may be able to get a sponsor, apply for a grant or scholarship (I have personally benefited from one of these), or find a club or service organization to fund your trip. It is well worth it. You’ll be educated, inspired and very motivated to learn even more. It’s a thrill to realize suddenly how some otherwise uninteresting technological gadget can directly benefit your child in a real way.
One of the most formidable barriers to assistive technology is the cost. It’s a niche market. None of the technology vendors are selling millions of these devices; however, there are ways around that. There are innumerable charitable organizations that can help with the expense of adaptive and assistive devices. Additionally, there are government programs and vendor financing programs. The good news is, unlike typical consumer products, AT devices have a longer life in that you are seldom required to upgrade to a newer version every few months. If it works now, it will work later. Yes, there are always newer products, but the latest thing may not be useful at all, especially since it may prove to be a frustrating additional learning process for a child already accustomed to the device they are using. For a child with a disability, routine, consistency and familiarity are crucial developmental factors.
Take your time while evaluating these products. As in every other industry, there is a new vocabulary associated with assistive technology. Keep an open mind, but do not allow anyone to talk you into buying anything about which you have doubts. You are the authority on your child, and you know best the types of stimuli to which your child will respond well. The education gained by both you and your child will provide a quality bonding and growth experience that will enhance your lives in wonderful ways you have yet to imagine.
Copyright 2005. All rights reserved.

Laura Gillson is a speaker, author and educator specializing in disability awareness, advocacy, accessibility and assistive technology. For corporate, community or caregiver training, visit Eloquent Insights at http://www.eloquentinsights.com If you need help with in-home care, you’ll find it at In-Home Insights at http://www.inhomeinsights.com Finally, you’ll discover a site for sore eyes at Accessible Insights at http://www.accessibleinsights.com The author’s email address is lgillson@eloquentinsights.com.

For the past decade, long distance phone service has been an incredibly competitive market, but not everybody wants to pay to have full-time long distance in their home or business. This is where the phone card comes in. One of the biggest advantages to prepaid calling cards is that you only pay for the minutes you use. So, instead of paying a monthly fee plus a per-minute rate, you pay just a per-minute rate. Even better, that per-minute rate is often lower than anything you can get using your home or business phone line. You can also purchase additional minutes by phone or on the Internet, which provide added convenience to prepaid phone card users. calling card